Word of Advice.

The issue I see with age is that it’s harder to understand what one person is going through because they’ve had more experience and are at a different place in their life. Being 20 you’re probably in the middle of college and at 26 you’re just getting out in the world and taking your life seriously. You don’t have as much of a safety net as you do at 20 so I can understand his stress when it doesn’t seem like you get him. 

I’m personally not against huge age differences, just know that it’s a bit harder to keep the relationship together. Dating an older person you may have to grow up sooner than you should if you want to be with them. I think that’s kind of what he’s asking. And you have to decide if this college-student period is a time you want to leave behind yet. 

If you’re not ready, then you may have to leave the relationship behind for now. But if you want to really try to grow up and have no problem with that, then tell him that you really want to try and you need to keep communication open. If he thinks you’re falling behind again, tell him to speak up. It may be better to try a relationship again once you’ve gotten through school.

What do you mean you can never have him…? Maybe not now, but in the future?  In any case, I think the least harmful way to stop thinking about someone is to just move on with your life. It’s as simple as that. Concentrate on yourself, what’s going on with you. Pick up a new hobby, find work, concentrate on your education, hang out with your friends. Don’t think about romance for now. When you’re heartbroken there’s a tendency to wonder how you could be without another person, but you can’t let another person dictate how happy you are. You have to learn to be happy by yourself and this is why I recommend that you concentrate on things about yourself or by yourself. Your heart chooses who and how it wants to love another person and perhaps for how long. It’s nothing you can help, but you can surely put it in the back of your mind.

I know where you’re coming from. I’m actually in the same situation. I think you really need to sit down with yourself and hash out why you think you feel this way. And if you aren’t over your ex yet, you probably shouldn’t be hanging out with him, y’know? It’s like reopening a wound and expecting it to heal faster or something. 

I always think it’s good to be open with your significant other no matter what the issue is, so I would suggest talking to your boyfriend so he at least understands where you are. It’s better to be told than to discover it later. Like I tell my boyfriend that I miss my ex sometimes and about whenever I’m thinking about him and he’s always there for me. He tells me he understands that I’ve been hurt and I’m still in a healing process, but that he’ll always be there. At the same time you just don’t feel guilty about keeping these sorts of things from your boyfriend, so it’s a good idea to be open with him about it. 

Unfortunately, it’s true that you won’t love like your first love. But you’re definitely wiser this time around. You know how to be careful with your heart. It’s not as blissful, because you’re aware of the fact that it can definitely end no matter what was said or how people acted. 

I think it’s natural to want some time for yourself. I can understand that you’re worried, but try to give him some space sometimes. I think of it kind of as a battery. When you’re always around each other you kind of sap each others energies so you need time alone to charge back up otherwise you’re a bit grouchy. If it were me I would ignore my phone if I’m feeling particularly moody because I wouldn’t want to take it out on the person I’m texting. If you’re really concerned and want to get to the bottom of it just simply ask him why he feels like he needs to leave you hanging. Your lines of communication should be open. If he just kinda lets it happen out of nowhere tell him that you would appreciate if he would warn you when he needs time to himself just so you aren’t freaking out about it. 

We may love someone, but it is healthy to spend a little time apart so you actually get the chance to miss them. 

Maybe the key is not something that he NEEDS necessarily, but something that you know would mean a lot to him. Something that would reflect your relationship. Or something little that is an essence of him. For example, I associate my boyfriend with a lion so I sometimes buy him little lion stuffed animals or stickers or cards. Or you could make a little book for him like a scrapbook of you guys. Or write some poems or letters or something little and cheesy, but incredibly cute. 

I don’t think you fall out of love with someone. You either didn’t love them in the first place or you decided that while you do love this person you believe that this relationship has offered all it has to offer. Although its often that people can get this very wrong. That’s why you hear about so many people wishing they could have exes back when they were the ones to leave. 

But you have to realize that this person didn’t appreciate you for all that you are and all that you have to offer. You deserve better than that. Someone who won’t have to lose you before realizing how great you are. The pain is unbearable now, but time heals all wounds. Honestly. 

Yes, I think if he notices that you’re isolating yourself from him he’ll end up interacting with someone else instead. I mean, if someone’s ignoring you you’re going to get discouraged and look for interaction elsewhere, right? I think clingy is when you’re on them but they’re doing something else. If they WANT your attention, then you’re being distant. If you’re going to be in a relationship, you have to be open with your partner. 

Sticking around for over a year seems to say he’s likely serious. Though he may be embarrassed to tell his parents or something. I dunno. Try asking him straight up why he hasn’t said anything to them about you. I would assume the parents just kinda know without officially being told. Tell him that it kind of worries you that he hasn’t told them about you. Just be open and honest about it.

I’m sorry this is on anon, so I can’t put it in your ask. Though I do agree that that doesn’t make sense. Why should you have to suffer for what his sister is doing…? It’s not like it goes through the family…

Anyhow…I expect he’s not making a move because he may not want to upset your family anymore than his family has upset yours. Or its just all bark and no bite. In any case, what would it do if he did put action to his words? You respect your parents’ opinion, so it wouldn’t really go anywhere. Not like I’m saying you should disobey your parents. Just because you can’t be together now doesn’t mean you cant be together later when your parents can’t control what you’re doing. 

Or you can try to reason with your parents. Right now they can’t really take anything more away from you concerning him. It’s up to you, but you can try telling them that it doesn’t make sense what they’re saying. They can’t punish you for what someone else has done. That isn’t your fault. That isn’t your boyfriend’s fault either. His sister’s case is in another wayward place from yours. If they’re gonna keep picking up excuses from other people’s situations you’ll never be allowed to date. Cause let’s face it: we’re human. We make mistakes. If they’re gonna keep judging the guys you date by them themselves PLUS their families’ mistakes nobody will ever be approved. They’re looking for perfection and it’s never gonna be found. Plus it’s inevitable if you end up doing whatever his sister is doing. They can’t control you forever. If you want to do it you can honestly go do it. The best course of action for them is to just educate you on what could go wrong. What the consequences are and how to prevent it. As parents they should be providing you with the tools to live your life, not living it for you.

Or if you would rather not confront them you can try to be friends. Or just not put a label on your relationship. 

You either don’t watch them or you realize that you deserve someone that wants to be with you and loves you for you. Know that there is someone out there who will love you for all that you are. It’s this person’s loss because you are definitely a wonderful person that they are missing out on. We are meant to fall in love with some people, but sometimes we just aren’t meant to be with them. I know it’s hard. I know where you’re coming from. But you just gotta keep going with your life. Things will happen the way they’re meant to. 

You can’t make someone love you again. If they come to realize that it was always you and only you that can make them happy, then that’s up to them to act on it. You can surely be the person that they fell in love with and perhaps they’ll realize that the grass is not greener on the other side. Perhaps they’ll miss that person that they fell in love with and fall once again. You can be hopeful, but you must be realistic. Don’t set yourself up for disappointment. Move on with your life and be pleasantly surprised if things change in your favor. Work on being secure in yourself. Don’t put your key to happiness in someone else’s pocket. If there’s one person you can depend on, it’s gonna be yourself, so be good to yourself, be someone you would like to be friends with and I promise you’ll be much happier and more confident. Security will not be an issue for you anymore. 

I’m always up for the straightforward approach. So since he’s so sweet and everything and really cares for you I think it would be possible to just kind of hang out with him one on one and gently bring the subject up with him. At the least he’ll know how you feel and you’ll know how he feels so you can either move on or continue with him. 

He sounds like a wonderful guy and he wouldn’t try to use your feelings against you if it goes wrong. It’s possible that things might get a little awkward, but urge him not to let it be that way. It’s just something that you needed to tell him and now that it’s off your chest you can continue to be friends and probably have a deeper bond.

Good luck. :]